Episode #342: Scotty Aemis
I was honored to be a guest on Dana’s podcast, where we had a powerful conversation about childhood trauma and the importance of creating safe, supportive environments for healing. This conversation was especially meaningful to me because it ties directly to my own journey as a parent and advocate.
When my wife and I adopted our two children from a baby home in Russia, we thought we were prepared to give them the love and support they needed. But we quickly realized that traditional parenting methods weren’t working. Everything that felt instinctively “right” was actually counterproductive for children healing from trauma. We nearly lost them because we didn’t understand how trauma had shaped their brains. It wasn’t until we connected with an educator-therapist who introduced us to the concept of childhood trauma as a brain injury—similar to a traumatic brain injury (TBI)—that everything started to make sense.
That moment set me on a mission to understand trauma-informed parenting and ultimately led me to develop the Positive Safe Relationships (PSR) approach. Dr. Bruce Perry’s research, particularly What Happened to You?, has been foundational in my work. We’re sending kids back into school environments that often retraumatize them. They go through their day, struggling to regulate, and by the time they get home, they’re ready to explode. That’s because their brains are stuck in survival mode—operating from the amygdala instead of the prefrontal cortex. Understanding this changed everything for my family, and now I want to help others find that same clarity.
What does childhood trauma look like in daily life?
A child who has experienced trauma might struggle with transitions, overstimulation, or unexpected changes throughout the school day. Imagine being in a classroom with 25-30 other kids, constant noise, shifting schedules—it’s overwhelming. Without the right support, they may act out, shut down, or become hypervigilant. Dr. Perry’s research confirms that the key to healing trauma is through relationships. That’s what PSR is all about—creating safe, connected relationships that allow children to heal.
What is the Positive Safe Relationships (PSR) approach?
PSR focuses on building environments where children feel safe, supported, and understood. I serve on the board of a school network in Philadelphia and have had the privilege of helping implement trauma-informed practices in alternative education settings like Lakeside. The goal is to slowly reorganize a child’s brain so they can eventually transition into a public school setting with the skills they need to learn and develop.
What role does counseling play in parenting through trauma?
In trauma-informed parenting, we talk about the three R’s: Regulation, Relationship, and Reason. You have to work on regulation before building a relationship, and only then can you introduce reasoning. Many traditional behavior management programs don’t work for trauma-impacted children because they rely on authoritarian methods that the child’s brain instinctively rejects. Instead, we need to equip parents with tools to create safe, structured environments where healing can take place.
Common misconceptions about trauma-informed care
One of the biggest misconceptions parents have is that simply bringing in specialists—OTs, PTs, therapists—will fix everything. But often, these professionals are trained in different areas and aren’t always aligned in their approaches. Parents need to be the driving force in their child’s healing journey, understanding trauma deeply and ensuring that any interventions align with trauma-informed care. As Dr. Perry says, “Relationships are the healing agent for therapy.” A child will not heal from trauma simply through traditional talk therapy—it requires a holistic, relational approach.
Creating a healing environment at home
One of the most important lessons I teach parents is: You can’t fix your child, but you can create an environment where healing can happen. This means:
Keeping the home calm, with reduced electronic stimulation
Encouraging structured, low-stress extracurricular activities
Ensuring that the adults in a child’s life (teachers, coaches, mentors) understand and implement trauma-informed strategies
Focusing on long-term solutions rather than quick fixes
Bringing trauma-informed care into schools
One of the biggest challenges we face is the lack of trauma-informed resources in secondary schools. Schools need spaces where students can regulate before returning to class—a “resolve room” rather than punitive measures like in-school suspension (ISS). In the schools where we’ve implemented this, ISS rates have dropped by 80-90%. This approach works because dysregulated children don’t need punishment; they need a safe space and a trusted adult to guide them through coping strategies.
Many public schools aren’t equipped to identify and support trauma-affected students unless they already have an Individualized Education Plan (IEP). But the reality is that trauma impacts far more students than those with formal diagnoses. It’s estimated that 90% of adults have unprocessed trauma themselves, which affects how they interact with and support children. We need systemic change to better serve all students, particularly migrants and newcomers who may not have access to an IEP but still carry significant trauma.
A message of hope
If there’s one thing I want parents to take away, it’s the concept of hope. When you’re in the trenches, it can feel like nothing is working. Your child may be acting out, pushing boundaries, or shutting you out entirely. But healing is possible. Every child responds to trauma differently, which means the path forward won’t look the same for everyone—but there is always a path.
I share more about this journey in my book, Where Do We Go from Here?, which offers practical guidance for parents navigating childhood trauma. My goal is to empower parents, educators, and caregivers with the tools they need to create environments where children can heal and thrive.
I’m grateful for the chance to share these insights on Dana’s podcast, and I look forward to continuing these important conversations. Together, we can shift the way we support children and ensure they grow up in environments that foster true healing and resilience.
